Thursday, January 1, 2009

For Auld Angs Syn

What exactly does that mean? For Auld Angs Syn? I have no real idea. Whenever I hear it sung it seems to mean something maudlin and misty and reminscient. I suppose that makes sense if you are looking back at the old year and thinking about all the good times you had and the people you will miss.

But frankly, 2008 sucked majorly for me. I lost the entire summer to being sick. I was flat on my back for a month and a half. I had to learn how to walk again. And that was the good part. I actually almost died. I had a combination staph and strep infection in my leg. That went septic and on top of that, I got pneumonia. They had to intubate me in order to help me breathe. A friend of mine who works in the medical field told me after I recovered that only 1/3 of the people who wind up in my situation actually recover. Usually it's fatal.

I am still recovering from that illness. I have no stamina. I found that out when I went swimming in November. I raced a 10 year old girl across the pool in a hotel. It was a small pool. I was exhausted when I reached the other side and was sucking wind.

The other reason it sucks is because since I was out of work from May until September we took a big hit financially. We had to pull my daughter from horseback riding lessons and my son from Preschool. I suppose that if that is all that is problematic I should count myself lucky. We are eating, we have a roof over our heads and clothes on our backs. So we are pretty lucky. But I am bummed out that we had to take those activities from our children. Allison was enjoying horseback riding so much. She was doing well and it was helping her to be more confident. It was terrific. She looked so tall and proud in the saddle. It made me feel great knowing that we could do that for her. Now we can't. It bums me out.

Pulling Daniel from Preschool sucks too. He was making friends and learning how to follow directions. He was trying new things and challenging his mind. Now he is going to just be home with me. I hope that I can provide him with enough stimulation.

I hope my kids don't feel like they are being punished. They don't deserve that. They deserve good things. They deserve to be happy. They are good kids.

In 2008 my father in law lost his eye to a strep infection. He has had about 3 months of going back and forth to Massachusetts Eye and Ear. He has had to have surgeries, ivs, medications, and many many doctor visits.

In 2008 my oldest brother was told by his wife that she no longer wants to BE his wife. She has decided that she wants him out of her life and that she wants nothing to do with him. They have two children together. My brother was raising a third child of hers (had during an affair during her marriage to my brother) as his own. Now the father of that child is threatening my brother's life and by all accounts is not a good man. He had nothing to do with his daughter for the first four years of her life. He never paid any child support, nor did he visit her. Now he is acting psychotic and demanding that my brother stay away from his daughter.

In 2008 my father had a ministroke, or a TIA. This "mini" stroke has made it difficult for him to talk or use his right side. Since about 15 years ago he had a stroke that made it difficult for him to use his left side, this is most unhelpful. He has to take deep breaths and force the air out of his lungs to talk.

In 2008 my mother and her husband David began having troubles flipping houses. Due to the economy the housing market has come to an almost standstill and they are stuck with two houses that they cannot move and they cannot afford to keep.

So, forgive me if I do not get misty about 2008. Forgive me if I am not nostalgic. I am more interested in looking AHEAD. I want to look forward into 2009. I am hoping that this year will be better. That there will be good things in 2009. Perhaps my return to work will put us on more solid financial footing. Perhaps my health will be better. Hopefully my brother will work things out with his wife and failing that hopefully he will find a way to make his children feel secure while enduring the divorce. Hopefully my father's health will stabilize. No more strokes, TIA's or "ministrokes." (Whatever that means...nothing seems mini about losing the ability to talk to me). Hopefully my mother and step father will straighten out their financial troubles. Hopefully my father-in-law will not have any more complications from his eye infection. Neither will my mother-in-law.

So, I guess the new year is a season of hope for me. I am hoping for health for all, stability and security. I raise my glass to you. I hope you and yours are healthy, stable and secure. Oh. And happy. I hope you are happy too.

Here are my five things that I am grateful for:

1.) I am grateful that 2008 is over
2.) I am grateful that 2009 has been positive so far
3.) I am grateful that telecommuting has been going well so far
4.) I am grateful for Dancing with the Stars for Wii
5.) I am grateful that no one in my family is currently sick or injured

For Auld Angs Syn

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